The Art of Social Climbing: A Guide for the Socially Ambitious by Kerney Lincoln

Author:Kerney, Lincoln [Kerney, Lincoln]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: CreateSpace
Published: 2014-04-28T16:00:00+00:00

YOU CAN ’T GET AWAY WITH IT

here are some things social climbers should never try, and some they should definitely try to avoid. The rich are eccentric. All others are considered weird or mad as a hatter.

I had a friend, Jack, who had a farm with a large house, tennis court, pool, etc. He was a young bachelor and had lots of house parties for his college friends, their girlfriends, and eventually, their wives. One of his friends, Max, lived in Richmond, where he met a dancer in a men’s bar. He asked to bring her one weekend. Jack, who was one of the most easygoing people ever, refused. An argument ensued, which led to Jack accepting the dancer. All others were forewarned, but because they liked Jack, because they knew Max was a bit eccentric, and mostly because they had known each other so long, all attended. It did not ruin the weekend, but the dancer never returned. She and Max eventually broke up, and he moved to Florida. You can’t replace old friends.

Uncle Tim used to take Pat and some of his friends to “21” for lunch to celebrate Pat’s December birthday, which was the day before his. (By this time, Granny had gone on to greener pastures, and Tim was back in the family business.) For Pat’s fifteenth birthday a replica of one of the family corporation’s deliver trucks was hung over their usual table, number thirty-two in the bar. The children would then go off to see a show, and the adults would do a little shopping and mostly a lot of drinking. One time, the children were sent off, and unfortunately, the adults did not go shopping. Around Christmastime, the Salvation Army band used to come into “21” and play carols for donations. Again, it was Olivia. She, having had too many cocktails, got up and sang the carols along with the band. At best, she had a voice that sounded like she had sandpaper in her larynx. Fortunately, due to Tim’s position and friendship with the then owners, they were not tossed out. Oddly enough, the show the children went to see was It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World .

When I was growing up, a very social New York decorator came to visit my parents for the weekend. My parents had a dinner party. Dessert was blueberries with crème fraiche. After a bit too much wine, the decorator turned to the person next to her and said, “Don’t you think they’d serve the peas with the main course?” The reply was, “I believe they are blueberries.” “Oh,” she answered and then reached for the crème fraiche but grabbed the tartar sauce that inexplicably had not been removed and ladled it on her berries. She seemed to quite enjoy them. The next morning she got up for breakfast bright and cheery. She got a cup of coffee, went to the bar, poured in some vodka, stirred it with the arm of her dark glasses, and was ready to face a new day.

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